Q014

I sort through the letters and pull out what I need for the beginning. They snap easily into place. And even though I thought I would need every letter, I finish the first sentence and realize that it’s all I have left to say, 

"I MISS YOU."

                                                                                                                Hold Still | Nina LaCour 

IT'S A LONG WAY DOWN

Last night, I sat beside Depression.

She appears to be the same-- in smithereens, in tears telling me that she wants to end it. Plain in saying, she wants to commit suicide. Troubles have eaten up the best in her, anxieties have already blurred her senses, pain has lingered for such an unexpected stretch and the only way out is not through, but away from it.

I can see that depression is a central and inevitable fact of human existence. It is when all the faith that you have for yourself is gone leaving you weak, desolate, filled with misery, ruined, lost, broken; and when the bright and shining morning with its promise of new beginning got lost somewhere along the way.  

Time and again, welcome to Prozac Nation. 

These are some of the markers that we live in a morally suicidal world: 

The Virgin Suicides, Requiem for a Dream, Dead Poets Society, Looking For Alaska, A Long Way Down, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Sylvia Plath, Virginia Woolf, Anne Sexton, Ernest Hemingway and many other films, books and famous people that brought death (taking away of one's self) in real life.

I can see them everywhere. More so, suicide was personified and sat beside me.   

I remember the time I asked her to pick herself up, move on and choose to be happy, she told me,

"I can't. I can't gather myself up, I can't move, and I won't be happy enough without him, I don't even know now what to do!"


But I tell you these, my friend:

1. You say you want to die, but in reality, you just want to be saved but you just don't know how and from where else to seek for help. But Psalm 34:18 says,

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted 

and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

You are not on your own, you are not left without an ally. The only reason why you feel that inner ache of loneliness and hopelessness is because you are looking for help in all the wrong places. No need to look anywhere but in His Word. Find refuge in God as Psalm 41:6 claims,

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble."

  

2. Being at your lowest point can be the best thing that can happen to you. Because now you know that the only way you can go is up. 

3. Never put your happiness, self-worth and confidence in any man. People and circumstances may disappoint you but the one Who made you and knows all of you will not.

"It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man." (Psalm 118:8)

Do not be so needy for others, like you, they are also imperfect and prone to fall short on somebody's expectations.

4. Though we live in a morally suicidal world, God has something good for us in relief:

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

He's got it in His hands, so you need not to put the weight of the world in your shoulders.

Maybe you share the same state of affairs with my friend who has been a Walking Depression for such a long time now, I have some things for you. Things that I have learned along the way:

1. One of the most important truths that one has to know is that pain is real. For some, pain may come in moments, but for others, it has become their way of life. We cannot change the fact that trials will come and difficulties will come knocking at your door.

So just get back up when it knocks you down. Face it with all joy and account it as a fact of life.
:-)

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall in diverse temptations."  (James 1:2)

2. Trials are tests of faith in God. They determine your attitude with every situation.

"Knowing this, that the trying of your faith brings about patience. And let patience have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:3,4)

3. God has a purpose for every trial.
He does not bring you in pain just for the sake of it, but to bring you down on your feeble knees and make you realize that you cannot hold everything in your hands-- that man is man and God is God.
You just have to surrender and let him lead you through by believing that He will be able to deliver you, if you only place your faith in him.

"So that the tested genuineness of your faith-- more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." (1 Peter 1: 7)

4. Trials will come, but it doesn't mean that you have to walk through it alone.

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not discouraged, 

for I am your God; I will strengthen you, 

yes, I will help you; 

yes, I will uphold you with my righteous hand." (Isaiah 41:10)

Remember the poem Footprints in the Sand?
It says,

"During your times of trial and suffering, 

when you see only one set of footprints, 

it was then that I carried you"

5. Trials will always come to an end and will carry out something good.

"Obtaining the outcome of your faith, 

the salvation of your souls." (1 Peter 1:9)

Reminder:
LIFE, EVEN IF IT GETS YOU DOWN, HOPE WILL TURN IT ALL AROUND FROM SUICIDE TO SALVATION.

LOVE-WHERE DOES IT GO AFTER A BREAK-UP?

by Andrea Lucado

A certain character on a certain rerun of a certain TV show asked a puzzling question: “When you love someone, and you break up, where does the love go?” Thank you Carrie Bradshaw for the inspiration for this week’s post.

At first, this question is a little absurd. Love can’t go anywhere, Carrie. It’s a feeling. Feelings don’t have feet. But think about a relationship you’ve been in. You invested in it: time, emotion, energy. You developed a set of feelings for a new person that you never had before. And those are unique feelings, just for them. Now think about when the relationship ended (happy Monday morning, everybody). That unique set of feelings created for just that one person don’t disappear suddenly. They are left over with no place to direct themselves, nowhere to go. Love is left in an awkward position. Hovering around the person after the break-up, wanting to be used but having no one to use them on.

Thought of in that way, love’s ability to go or not go places makes perfect sense. And the direct answer to Miss Bradshaw’s question is that love doesn’t actually go anywhere at all. Instead, it sticks around and waits for us to do something with it. The question then is “What do I do with it?”

Many options here. It’s difficult to have a unique set of feelings being unused, so maybe you decide to use them on someone else that isn’t quite deserving but is convenient in proximity. Or you may channel the hovering love feelings into something else like obsessing over work, or traveling as much as possible–things that make you think you’re using the love that once was but when you’re lying in bed at night, you see it still faintly hovering.

So where’s the best place to leave love or take love when you can no longer send it to a significant other? Keeping it close and acknowledging its presence can be burdensome. But ignoring it only lasts until the pain comes back again later.

My best answer is that you let it stick around until it becomes just plain love again. Not love for that one person that’s no longer around. But its original form: the love humans are made of and live for. Easier said than done.

Q013

If you're gonna be a bear, be a grizzly.

                                            When In Rome

EXPECTATIONS VS REALITY

My recent illustration of that is this:

Epic fail. 

This is actually an inspiration of V for Vendetta's Eggy in a Basket but I guess the eggs that I used didn't favor me. Bah. I tried doing it thrice but I always end up screwing either the egg or the bread. So pathetic of me, yes? LOLZZ. 

I ate all the 3 slices of buttered bread with three eggs on them (approx. 15g of fat from eggs only), jogged after a few hours to burn them. And guess what? I got dizzy after running half of a kilometer. 

Cholesterol in the pursuit of perfection that's never met.

I'lll do better next time on the EggyB's, you'll see. :-p

While I'm Not Here

It has been a while. A month, actually, of not posting anything in here. January was one helluva month for me. To say, it was the extreme of October and last year's January. And I lost the drive of updating because of the sucky no net days here in our dorm. I will pitch in a decent post here as soon as I get my blogging senses back. iPromise.

Ciao because my pizza is already knockin' at my door.

Just like everyone else's year-ender post. Only that it's different. :-)

What essentially comes in my mind right now is what Nicole Krauss once said:

“When will you learn that there isn’t a word for everything?”

True that. So, instead of thinking about a word for everything, I would rather put this on by thanking. 

I have here some recipients:

1. GOD

To the Most Highest, I come to You today-- to thank Thee for a year that's done, and Thee also, for the coming one. 

Lord, You have been there to keep me whole throughout the past year and I am counting all the gains and losses with all joy because You made my life purposely driven in Your will. 

You break and make me only to teach me what I have to learn in this life. 

It wasn't a pretty easy year for me, Lord, I know, but Your grace has been ever-sufficient to me. And I can never thank you enough for all these. 

You have kept me walking. You have kept Your precious promises. You have fought and claimed that the battle is Yours. You left me wanting for no more.

And for these, my only prayer is that, once again, make the next 365 days of my life Yours. Take all of me and let it be used for Your glory. :-) 

2. FAMILY

To my ever-dearests, I love you. 

To my mommy who's been my filter and sponge, thank you v.much! I wouldn't be as enduring as I am if not for the things that I've seen in you. It is from you also, whom I draw out my strength. Ikaw lang kakampi ko lagi eh. Haha! 

Just so you know, I keep all the pieces of advice well in my heart and mind and as well as the generic names of those medicines in my planner (Sorry po, I'm really bad in keeping those labels). 

P.S. And for pushing me to wear dresses and make-ups, thanks always. Hihi. You're right, I shouldn't have wished for a pair of chucks and a knapsack. ;-) Prolly a nice and huge shoulder bag and ballet flats instead?

:-) Love you, mother goose!

To my daddy who's been the living rod of guidance in my life, I can only sum up everything by saying thank you. I have learned a lot from you, dad. Read: A LOT. You have always been the constitution personified. Some may not understand you, but don't you worry, your daughter is one of the few who tries to (along with mom, my sibs and a man you know of.) In all good ways, I appreciate the times wherein I have to be under your discipline just because I know from Whom and Where you get all the rules. And you will never run out of ways to make me walk in the straight path. I'm sorry for disappointing you because of my stuborness, but I promise to make it up to you with every chance I get and that will be always :-) 

P.S.

I will always be my daddy's girl. Just growing, maturing, learning. 

You are my mentor, my jedi master. Love you, 'di! 

P.P.S.

To my parents, I saw the love of Christ in you. :-) 

To my brothers Joshua and Paolo-- laugh out loud! Haha! I love you both in all ways! Thank you so much for all the fun and not-so-fun times. I was looking through our kid pictures the other day and I can't help but laugh at how we've grown up together. You see how my look changed? LOL! We've had a lot of countless catfights that we could laugh and learn about now. They say they're normal for kids like us. And I've always been thankful to the Lord for having you both in my life. Thanks also for the love and respect that you're giving me as your ate. :-) High five to that! Here's to more bonding moments! I love, love, you Josh and Siopao!

3. FRIENDS

Should auld acquaintance be forgotten and never brought to mind? 

To those who know who you are, I am glad and thankful to have each and every one o'you in my whole 2010. I won't be naming your names 'cause I might miss out on someone due to memory failure, but as I've said, you can tag yourself here if you're sure that you're my friend. ;-) Okeh? 

My best friends are the photographs that remind me of a lot of memories and more than a thousand words;

My church friends are my accountability partners, my co-fishermen and servants in Christ who I grow up with spiritually. 

My USTe friends are more than my academic tag-alongs, the people I burn the midnight oil with-- they are the few good ones who know about how I deal with my studies.  3 months left for all my journmates and off we soar! 

I love you belly much!!

4. FRIENDLIER

Thanks for Autumn and everything that goes with it. :-) I've known you as God's first and that's the best deal that I love about you.  

The project will always be yours.
I will see you soon. 

Here's to more P.S.es!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FOR EVERYTHING, I give all my thanks to the God of my life Who Himself gave and taketh this year away with so much love, grace and faithfulness. :-) 

Semper Fi, You are.

Always faithful.

*Semper fi has been my lappy's password all year round. Shhh.. ;-)

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU!

Q012

I hope you will have a wonderful year, that you'll dream dangerously and outrageously, that you'll make something that didn't exist before you made it, that you will be loved and that you will be liked, and that you will have people to love and to like in return. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and more wisdom in the world right now), that you will, when you need to be, be wise, and that you will always be kind.

                                                                                                                                                                                              Neil Gaiman

Q011

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

                                                                                                                                       Neil Gaiman

NOTICE

Henceforth, all posts will be for the new year that's named 2011.

This year, I believe, has a lot of things to look forward to. :-) 

And by the grace of God, all will be well and all will be met. 

God bless you who reads this.